Fight the War

Strategic Turn 3

July 1861

 

 

From the New Orleans Picayune:

 

"It is not the bulletins of our friend alone which announce a grand victory for the armies of the South. It is confessed in all its greatness and completeness by the wailings which come to us from the city of Washington, the head-quarters of our enemies. It is told in the groans of the panic-stricken Unionists of tyranny, who are quaking behind their entrenchments with apprehension for the approach of the avenging soldiery of the South....From Richmond, on the contrary, come the glad signs of exceeding joy over a triumph of our arms, so great and overwhelming as though the God of Battles had fought visibly on our side, and smitten and scattered our enemies with a thunderbolt...We will not venture to say to what extent rage, disappointment, baffled cupidity, and thirst for revenge, may carry a deluded people; but the confidence of the South will rise high..."

 

July 23, 1861

 

Congradulations to General Weierman ,

that was an out standing effort,

in fighting such a tactical retreat at Paducah as you did,

you have performed an astonishing feat!

 

My hat is off to you sir,

Well Done!!!!!!!

 

Col; Malone

 

This Reporter sees a different story than that disreputable Northern Newshound. His story speaks of numerous victories. Well, I guess he includes Union army victories over civilians! Harpers Ferry and Lexington were unnocupied by Confederate forces and only had the citizens of the towns to resist the Union hordes! At Louisville, the battle was fought to a draw, but the Confederats had to withdraw du to a Union force in their rear threatening to cut them off, and not due to any defeat whatsoever! Only in the fighting near Ft. Donelsonwas there anything approaching a Union victory, and that a close thing and a minor victory at best! The Confederate Army, on the other hand, won decisive victories at Manassas, and Paducah, while winning a minor battle at Washington before marching to the joyous welcome of the citizens of Baltimore. Clearly Confederate fortunes are now on the rise, and soon Southern Independence will be a recognized fact! Once again, your completely unbiased "Civil War Reporter".

 

ASTOUNDING GALLANTRY ON THE BANKS OF THE OHIO

GEN WEIERMAN'S CITATION

THE MEDAL OF HONOR GRANTED BY THE PRESIDENT

 

The editor of this newspaper was this morning summoned to the White House and handed a copy of Gen Weierman's report from the recent battle at Paducah. We can do no better than print that report in full:

 

"After our forces executed a couple of successful ambushes on General Pinkham's cavalry vanguard, I had General Burnside deploy our main body in defense of the Ohio River bridge leading from Paducah to Illinois, which is located immediately north of town. After a couple of hours of general combat in which my entire force was engaged, I ordered a retreat across the bridge under fire, and while also being closely pressed by the Rebel infantry. During this difficult manuever, Companies B, C and D of he 13th Wisconsin Cavalry held our exposed left flank against strong enemy attack. The 125 troopers of Co. D, manning a revetment on the bluff overlooking the bridgehead on the north edge of town, withstood four successive melees in which the Rebels twice numbered 500, and twice numbered near 1,000 men. Becoming ultimately surrounded, when the last of our troops were out of harm's way, the 65 survivors of that brave little band were surrendered to the enemy. I never, in all my experience in Mexico, saw anything like it. Co. B, 13th Wisconsin, also a mere 125 troopers strong, withstood two melees on the bare mud bank of the Ohio, and managed each time to maintain a fighting position between the bridge and the enemy. While personally leading Co. A in these two melees, Col. Russell, CO of the 13th Wisconsin was wounded. Only 11 men of Co. A survived the action and made it across the river to Illinois.

 

The butcher's bill was thus:

 

Our losses were 360 infantry and 296 cavalry KIA, and 65 cavalry captured, for a total of 721 men lost. We brought off both of our four gun batteries, and also our supply train, intact. The valiant Col. David A. Russell, CO of the 13th Wisconsin, was, as I said above, wounded in action while at the head of his troopers at the height of the fighting, and though his wounds are rather serious - the surgeon informs me that he will have to spend two strategic turns recovering - I expect his return to his command, fit for duty, on the third strategic turn hence.

 

The enemy lost 467 infantry and 199 cavalry, for a total of 666 men KIA. So, we gave about as good as we got before skinning the cat.

 

I wish to commend my division commander, General Ambrose Burnside, for his steady command of his force in a perilous situation, and for the execution of one of the most difficult manuevers in military science, a withdrawal from a bridgehead, across the bridge, while under fire and assault. I also wish to recommend that Col. David A. Russell, CO of the valiant 13th Wisconsin Cavalry, be decorated for gallantry. I recommend further that the 13th Wisconsin Cavalry Regiment receive a unit citation, especially singling out Companies B and D, and that the young Captain commanding Co. D, and an as yet undetermined number of his men, receive the nation's highest award for military service, the Medal of Honor. Their actions, more than any others, are responsible for the preservation of this command.

 

Respectfully, your most humble and obedient servant & etc.,

General Mark Weierman, USA"

 

The President informs us that he has accepted Gen Weierman's recommendations in full. THEIR NAME LIVETH FOR EVERMORE.

 

Gentlemen of the Union,

 

I applaud the President's action in decorating my brave men. They deserve their medals, and more. I appreciate also the kind words spoken of the men under my command by my fellow general officers of the USA. However, I must say in reply that I regret very much having had to withdraw my forces from Paducah, leaving it in the hands of the Seccesh. I am much focused on the job at hand, that of preserving our sacred Constitution.

 

I also would like to point out that where my report, as published in this thread by Northern Newshound, references Co. A of the 13th Wisconsin, it should be in each instance referencing Co. B. (I have already spent a few minutes discussing this discrepency with my scribe, and I assure you all that such an error will not occur in one of my reports ever again.)

 

Gen. Mark Weierman, USA

 

"War is the remedy that our enemies have chosen, and I say let us give them all they want.". - General William Tecumseh Sherman.

 

The Charleston Mercury

26th July 1861

 

Piracy returns to our great Nation

 

Our great city is under threat by an army of Federal Pirates off the coast. We are now under a blockade, their vile ships cover the horizon. This cannot bode well for the citizens of Charleston. This reporter has come to expect this level of underhand and cowardly behaviour from the rats in Washington. We the people of Charleston will prevail, and the great news of our victories in the field fill us with pride and give us hope that this War will soon be over. The justification of our cause will thus be proven and we can take our place amongst the nations of the world.

Until that day we must persevere and trust in the Lord. I say to the high seas vagabond out in Charleston Bay, do your worst, come up on our defences. I hope you can all swim.

 

Published July 5th 1861

 

Ex-General Shannon has been summoned to Richmond to answer for his actions at the battle for Fort Donelson in May 1861, and the surrender of seventy percent of the forces under his command at the time.

 

Ex-General Shannon shall face a court of inquiry consisting of the Mr. Hinkle (President), Mr. Smith (Vice President), Mr. Dragan (Secretary of War), and Mr. Wadding (currently unassigned) The goal of this court of inquiry will be to determine what blame for the outcome shall be attributed to ex-General Shannon. The date and time of said tribunal is still under review and the court of inquiry’s final report shall be published in all major papers so that all citizens may read the report.

 

GREAT BATTLES JOINED ACROSS THE CONTINENT

THE DECISIVE PHASE OF THE WAR?

BAYONETS FLASH, MUSKETS ROAR

 

Rebel armies have moved from Manassas and Baltimore, converging on Harper's Ferry, which is defended by Gens Malone and di Nola. Gen Passmore has walked into the vacated city of Baltimore. Union Gens Letus and Davies have attacked Nashville, while Gens Schlitte and Weierman have attacked Paducah.

 

Three great battles then, involving 6 generals and the greater part of the armies from each side. More news as we have it.

 

Northern Newshound

 

Letter to the Editor, From the Front:

 

Dear Northern Newshound,

 

Sir, may I humbly presume to correct the text of your last dispatch to read "... six UNION generals ...", as we know not yet how many Rebels of that rank we face in the current round.

 

If General Pinkham is reading our great Northern papers, I have a message for him, to wit:

 

Sir,

 

My compliments, as always. I am still carrying your last dispatch to me in my vest pocket, General, and wish you to know, if you are foolishly still at Paducah, that I am on my way to the cotillion. Please fill the punch bowls, Sir - my boys are very thirsty, very thirsty indeed.

 

Your humble and obedient servant, and etc.,

Gen. Mark Weierman, USA

 

"War is the remedy that our enemies have chosen, and I say let us give them all they want.". - General William Tecumseh Sherman.

 

Sources close to the Bureau of Military Intelligence indicate that there are six Rebel Generals too; the Rebels have reinforced Paducah and Nashville.

 

Evidently they have chosen to put all of their eggs in one basket, hoping with temporary superiority in numbers to score minor victories while leaving vast legions of our soldiers unfought.

 

This newspaper is confident that Union commanders are well able to play a waiting game until our own reinforcements arrive.

 

Northern Newshound

 

REBEL SPY CAPTURED!

SECRETED MESSAGES

THE PRESIDENT'S REMARKS

 

Our gallant soldiers near Washington report on the capture of a Rebel spy some weeks ago. Nothing unusual in that, and in the normal course of events summary justice would have been carried out according to the laws of warfare.

 

But this was somewhat different: the spy, who was carrying messages from Gen Huffman to Richmond, was a WOMAN! Hidden messages were found secreted in her underwear! Indeed she would not have been discovered at all if the sight of so many fine soldiers in blue uniform had not pricked her gentle conscience, and caused her to repent of the harm she was doing to her country.

 

The Union high command is obviously flabbergasted that the Rebels would stoop so low as to risk the life of one of the fairer sex where their own men dare not tread. The President was heard to remark that Union Generals had better beware: the next time the early morning mists lift on the field of battle, it is likely that our armies will face a line of petticoats and parasols, not pistols.

 

Northern Newshound

 

General Passmore was right, the Washington posting is brutal . Cotillions, balls, receptions every night; I am rarely in my cot before revillie . God forbid what is would be like if I'd actually won a battle - I do not know how the President stands it??

 

Further, I swear I will call out the next ninney that lectures me about how Manassas should have been fought; General Orders be damned!

 

Lt Col Mike Kaulbars

 

Cotillions, balls, and receptions every night!!!!! The closest thing to that in Kentucky was when the townsfolk got together for a mule auction. Most of the women were uglier than the mules, but they made a mean muscrat stew. Here's hoping things are better in Tennessee.

 

BG Mike Letus

 

BEAUTY PARLORS OPENED IN KENTUCKY

BALLS CURTAILED IN WASHINGTON

MORE PAY AND FREE BEER FOR ALL TROOPS

 

The President today announced a major government initiative to raise the standard of pulchritude amongst the women of Kentucky. This follows an unfortunate incident in which a young corporal was arrested on suspicion of bestiality, only to be released some hours later when the 'hog' woke from a drunken stupor and asked for her petticoats.

 

In a further development, the President also declared that 'unseemly displays of luxury and licentiousness' should not take place while our brave troops endure the mud and fire of battle. Generals are therefore restricted to six bottles of champagne a night.

 

All pay for troops increased by 20%, effective immediately, with a gallon of beer per diem on top.

 

Long live the Republic!

 

Northern Newshound

 

Richmond Rag - July 1861

 

Rumors from the front are that our glorious Army of Northern Virginia was able to quietly slip away from Manassas and march on Winchester without opposition from the enemy. They passed through Ashby's Gap capturing the troops stationed there. It appears they were all dead out drunk due to just being issued new beer rations which they promptly drank a weeks supply of.

 

Gentlemen,

 

According to my sources, the "spy" the Union caught actually was male. The 'secret' dispatches were discovered when some drunken Union officers tried to get into his pants. They changed the gender to female for the newspapers because these were high-ranking officers and the true story would have been an embarrassment to the Lincoln administration.

 

And now you know THE REST OF THE STORY!

 

T. G. Henderson,

War Correspondent

("Have sketch pad, will travel")

 

Originally posted by T. G. Henderson

 

Gentlemen,

 

According to my sources, the "spy" the Union caught actually was male. The 'secret' dispatches were discovered when some drunken Union officers tried to get into his pants. They changed the gender to female for the newspapers because these were high-ranking officers and the true story would have been an embarrassment to the Lincoln administration.

And now you know THE REST OF THE STORY!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

We print this excerpt from a lying Rebel 'news'sheet in order to show that they are so desperate for good tidings that they resort to making them up.

 

The spy captured by our forces some weeks ago was indeed a woman; she is even now being held in custody for her own protection against the righteous indignation of our citizens. We understand that the President has offered to release her in exchange for General Huffman, the 'gentleman' who sent her on a mission that his own 'men' dared not venture.

 

So, we challenge the General: are you prepared to let this unfortunate lady rot in prison as a consequence of your own dastardly machinations? Or will you do the decent thing and allow her, once again, to breathe the sweet air of freedom?

 

Northern Newshound

 

In answer to the question, "are you prepared to let this unfortunate lady rot in prison as a consequence of your own dastardly machinations?"

 

YES!

 

'Tis a small price to pay for freedom.

 

General Huffman

Commander, AOS/CSA

 

NEWS FROM THE FRONT, NEWS FROM THE FRONT, NEWS FROM THE FRONT

 

Three great battles in progress, but frustratingly little to tell you. Skirmishing has been reported from Harper's Ferry, but indications are that this has been inconclusive. Early setbacks at Nashville, but with massive Union reinforcements on the way we are sure the tide will turn there. Success at Paducah, where a large column of Texans was caught unawares while marching along a road.

 

More as we have it.

 

RICHMOND RAG - NEWS FROM THE FRONT - July 1861

 

Southern arms today liberated Winchester from the invaders! On approached to the city some shots were exchanged with enemy cavalry but they promptly ran off into the mountains. The citizens of the town reported that they had suffered deprivations and unlawful seizure of property at the hands of the Yankee oppressors. Also, it was report many of the sheep and pigs in the surrounding area have been traumatized.

 

A few stragglers caught in the city reported that the Union army had left for Romney; however, one division had "liberated" some stills in the mountains, gotten blind drunk and wandered off into the mountains.

 

The Charleston Mercury - July 1861

 

Reports are coming down the wire of the battle around Nashville. As reported last week up to four armies were believed to be within a few days march of this vital transportation hub.

From what scattered reporting it appears all four armies are now in the vicinity of Nashville and have joined the fight. As usual the northern forces are badly led and disorganised and are assured of losing this move against us.

 

The only question this reporter is asking is the ultimate level of our victory.

Can we grab a few of these armies in their totality or simply send them running back to their slave loving masters.

We can house and feed these northern wretches when they surrender but the longer this war continues the more acute any shortages will be felt.

 

Be assured that we can endure more than the barbaric foe as we did in the great war of independence, we will ultimately prevail.

 

The President has today issued a plea for more Generals to join the Union staff. From his office has come the following:

 

- Generals wanted: must be hard-working, loyal, dedicated to crushing rebellion and not afraid of a scrap. All interested parties to apply by posting here or direct to the White House.

 

By order

 

Northern Newshound

 

Gentlemen,

I will give a quick update to the battles going on....Harpers Ferry has fallen to the Confederacy, though fighting continues in the area....heavy fighting has occurred in the Nashville area....and some heavy skirmishing near Paducah....The Yanks ned a couple of more Generals as they have lost a couple recently....I am working EXTREMELY long hours at my job and apologize for my lack of updates....Regards to all, Hank

 

THE NEWS IS VERY BAD

NERVOUS CITIZENS PREPARE FOR THE DEFENSE OF WASHINGTON

GLIMMER OF HOPE FROM THE WEST

 

Rumors have swept the city all day of defeat and loss at Harper's Ferry. Some have spoken of rout and annihilation of the army there, while others speak of an orderly retreat. No one at the White House was available for comment, but military couriers have been seen coming and going all day, their faces grim.

 

Many citizens, fearing the worst, have spent the day arming themselves with pistols, blunderbusses, farm implements and even kitchen knives, prepared as they are to defend their city to the last.

 

STOP PRESS - The White House has just released the following communique:

 

Many rumors are about in the city. I would urge all citizens to remain calm at this time, for there is no definite news. We have for a time lost communications with the Army, but we confidently expect them to be restored soon. Command changes are being put into effect. News of a great victory on the banks of the Ohio is even now coming in. At this time of uncertainty and alarm we call on all good Union men to remain steadfast - our cause will prevail.

 

The President

Northern Newshound

 

Hastily the Scribbler packed his quill and ink pot as the adjutant saw to the rest of his kit. He paused to gaze out at the Capital. He had finished a final inspection not minutes before and Washington was as secure as any city on the continent could be.

The fools who talked of fleeing should instead have gone and looked at the miles of entrenchments and gun emplacements, the tens of thousands of new recruits drilled mercilessly by the veterans of Manassas until they were almost veterans themselves. If there was any fleeing to be done it should be to Washington, not from it. Fools!

 

He turned and grabbed his case. Something had gone terribly wrong and once more the pen was called upon to do what the sword could not. The train would leave in less than an hour and the Scribbler would be on it...

 

Lt Col Mike Kaulbars

 

Winchester, July 61

 

The General rode slowly down the “Ford” road through the intermixed troops that were trying to reform to sweep the woods on either side. We referred to it as the “Ford” road because apparently it hadn’t rated a decent name on our maps but it was one of only three roads that lead to crossings of Hogue Creek and on to western Virginia. The other and main one was the Romney Pike a few miles to the south and parallel to it. These were the two roads from Winchester that my divisions had been pushing down trying to break up the rear guards of the Union army since late morning when we finally came in contact with them.

 

My little group of aides and I splashed across the ford to the west side of Hogue Creek and headed up a knoll where we saw commander of the Corps that had taken the third crossing. As I rode up I greeted the General “General Huffman congratulations on a splendid flanking of the enemy!” For indeed it had been splendid. He had taken “Jackson’s” Corps for an eight hour march by the northern road and placed it in the enemy’s left rear apparently unopposed. Gen. Huffman gestured toward the river valley to the south of us, “And on a splendid victory for our armies!” I looked where he had pointed with my field glasses. Yes indeed, as far as I could see were disorganized union troops. Some were throwing down their guns in surrender or trying to reform their shattered regiments for one more stand and others trying to swim the creek from the eastern woods to escape my divisions. But I new it was to late. I had already received word from Early that his lead brigades had crossed and linked up with Jackson’s Corps. I believe we have bagged half the army that opposed us.

 

The General looked toward the west at the now setting sun. Yes, a great victory almost as great as Manassas. What was that sound from the ford? Gen. McDowell’s ghost howling again?

 

Winchester II:  One Corp Commander's Perspective

 

Nothing is more beautiful than the Valley in the early morning hours. It was through this peaceful setting that I set out from my column, escorted by a regiment of Viginia's finest cavalry, in search of General Whitehead's HQ. With the situation murky and knowing that there had to be Yankee patrols about, we were forced to divert onto the back country lanes and cow paths in search of HQ. What a catch we would have made had a sizable Union patrol stumbled across us. After much difficulty, I located General Whitehead, in the saddle, surrounded by his aides and urging his troops forward.

He crisply discribed the situation. The Yankees appeared to be abandoning Winchester and were making for the safety of the mountains to the west. On a hastily unscrolled map, he punched his finger at the northern most ford crossing Houge Creek. "Can you be here by noon?"

I grinned as I nodded in the affirmative. "My men are already enroute. My boys will hit their flank and crush them!"

Now in the past two months my command had marched from Winchester to skirmish around Washington and then took the city of Baltimore before returning to the Valley. They were exhausted and footsore. But they were good men and I knew that while fighting on their home ground they would have one good march left in them. I ordered the column to the double quick and we set out over the mountains. Our supplies I ordered abandoned as they would only slow the march. This was a day when I needed my foot cavalry to move with all speed.

The first reports began filtering back to me that Jenkins' cavalry had pushed skirmishers across Houge Creek and had met no opposition. Now came the moment of decision. Had the Union failed to guard the ford or was this a trap? While my infantry columns closed behind them, the cavalry fanned out throughout the small Houge Creek Valley searching for any signs of Union outposts. When nothing was discovered, I ordered my column southward toward an unsuspecting Union flank. Dick Ewell's division led the column. Despite the miles they had already covered, their steps were quick and their spirits high. From across the mountain we could hear the low rumble of artillery as General Whitehead began pressing their rear guard. Ewell reported the spotting of Union cavalry and asked permission to form into line and drive them. My orders to him were simple, and to his credit they were carried out exactly. "There is to be no firing. Scream like furies and give them the bayonet!"

Within an hour of crossing Houge creek, Ewell had two brigades abreast advancing toward the Union position. From a distance, the boys in blue could be seen hastily attempting to build breast works, but their efforts were too little too late. With a scream that echoed through the narrow valley, Ewell unleased his men. Screaming as they ran, the boys from Virgina never paused to fire. The feeble smattering of fire that greeted them had no effect. Within minutes they were within the Union works. To their credit the Union officers tried to halt the rout and rebuild their line. The line of blue staggered backward, wavered and seemed to hold. Suddenly Johnson's Brigades were on line and delivered a massive blow that shattered the wavering Union recruits. After that it was nothing but accepting prisoners and trying to catch those who decided to run. At that point, General Whitehead found me, we exchanged pleasantries and he began issuing orders for the final stages of the battle, mopping up the scattered pockets of Union troops. No sooner had we issued orders than a Union courier arrived accepting the terms for the surrounder of the surrounded Army. It was a great day for our arms; a day that should make the Northern agressors think twice before setting foot on the sacred soil of Virginia.

 

Sirs:

 

My congratulations on your excellent victory.

Hurrah for Dixie, and for the Heroes of Winchester!

 

Your humble servant,

LGen 'Dee Dubya' Mallory

 

AN INTERVIEW WITH THE PRESIDENT

CANDOR IN EVIDENCE

 

The Editor went last night to the White House, and there enjoyed a very convivial dinner and wine with the President. Afterwards his answers to our questions were plain enough:

 

Mr. President, how do you see the strategic situation after our defeat at Harper's Ferry?

 

A complete shambles. Whoever put me in charge wants hanging.

 

How do you rate your handling of the war so far?

 

I'd have done better on six bottles of wine a day.

 

What is the plan for the government now?

 

I have put a couple of Generals in to sort out the mess. Until then you can rely on me for a good quote.

 

Mr. President, are you up to the job?

 

Hell no! But you're stuck with me now.

 

Do you have any words to say to the gallant citizens of Washington, standing ready to defend their city and their native soil?

 

Next train leaves town in 10 minutes.

 

There you have it, folks. Refreshing honesty from our politicians for a change.

 

Northern Newshound

 

Richmond Rag, July 61

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Southern Arms route Federal forces at Winchester.

Over half of enemy army destroyed or captured.

Virginia cleared of Yankee occupation.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Early reports from Harpers Ferry and Winchester confirm that the Yankees have suffered a major defeat at the hands of the combined forces of the Army of Northern Virginia and the Army of the Shenandoah. The Union suffering ten thousand casualties and another ten thousand captured. Another glorious day for southern arms.

 

Suh!   <Salute>

 

I submit to you, had the battle lasted another ten turns, there would have been NO Federals left to FLEE back to Louisville.

 

Col. Mark W. Zapp

Army of Georgia, CSA

 

quote:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Originally posted by Mark W Zapp

 

I submit to you, had the battle lasted another ten turns, there would have been NO Federals left to FLEE back to Louisville.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Excerpt from intercepted telegram: "Mr President Sir, feint to Nashville overwhelming success STOP significant Rebel forces tied up at no cost STOP Second phase as planned STOP.".

 

 

Brig Gen Mike Kaulbars

 

Suh!   <Salute>

 

That last post reminds me of a story told many years ago.

It related to a "Cold War" scenario, whereby two teams of auto racers, decided to settle the "Cold War" by having a Trans-Russian Rally Race.

 

When the dust settled, the USA Team finished two days ahead of the Russian Team.

 

Two days later, after the Russian Team crossed the Finish Line, the Soviet News Service 'Pravda' Headlined the following story.

 

Mighty Soviet Auto Team finished Second, Americans Finish next to last!!!

 

(Some Feint... Want to try again??)

 

Col. Mark W. Zapp

Army of Georgia, CSA

 

 

Gentlemen,

The turn July 1861 has been completed...The Confederates combined Valley army and ANV have cleared Virginia of Union troops by crushing the Union forces in the valley. The Union forces from Ft. Donelson and St.Louis are besieging the Confederates that occupy Paducah......and the was a skirmish fought at Nashville....I have finished accounting for the units (buried the dead), now I will do the math (have roll call to see what is left), and be in touch with the Generals involved.....I need ya'll to decide whether you are staying or retreating....I'll need your answers soon.....if you are retreating, I need to know where you intend to go.....I'll be in touch....regards, Hank